A Fish Out Of Water

2009 in review, part the second

2010-01-01T12:48:00.003-05:00

July: One of my favoritest people in the whole world came to visit me and help me unpack my apartment - I also embarked on the second annual Guppy Road Trip, driving up to MN in two days. I flew Younger Not Little Brother and Little Sister down here to help me drive back, and Twittered (Tweeted?) the whole trip. Went to OH (IO!), had some mini-reunions, was told by a complete stranger that I was the prettiest girl in the room, and broke up with a best friend.

August: Got back to FL, adopted two adorable little kittens by the names of Josephine and Medea (pictures have been posted). School started, and I pulled an ill-advised all nighter.

September: A complete blur. Seriously.

October: Another blur. 5 classes, 7 separate preps, resident duty, a boy who is and isn't mine, two neurotic kittens, and a growing tendency to become ill from everything I eat. Awesome.

November: An "Orphan Thanksgiving" with some of my wonderful friends, during which I carved and later broke down an entire turkey, helped make stuffing, and was generally very very domestic. My July visitor came back to spend the holiday with me and taught me how to make cinnamon-vanilla pancakes (forgive me for drooling a little as I write this)

December: Somehow made it to December with sanity (more or less) intact, gave exams, did a ridiculous amount of Christmas shopping, and spent 8 wonderful days with my family. Came back to FL in time to spend a quiet NYE at home with my little gremlins.

Looking ahead to 2010:
-Finishing my third year here in FL
-Applying for grad schools (eek!)
-Applying for a study abroad program for the summer of 2010....2 months in Italy, mmmm
-Applying for funding for said program....Momma needs money!
-Keeping a whole list of New Year's resolutions, which will at some point be posted. Fingers crossed...

My New Little Brother

2009-12-23T19:06:00.002-05:00

i.e. my family got a new kitten :-)

So long, 2009

2009-12-19T19:10:00.002-05:00

January: made some half-baked New Years resolutions, most of which involved eating better and not facebook stalking my exes. None were kept. Admitted having a crush on a friend who than admitted he was moving. Visited a close friend from college in DC, fell in love with the city all over again. Started to realllyyyy enjoy baking.

February: I remember very little of February - as with most of the school year. School took a lot out of me, I vaguely remember getting VERY pissy with friends who thought I should be spending more time chatting with them than I did.

March: Spring Break! Two of my favoritest people in the world came to visit me, I drove 2 hours each way to Naples on a school night to see a concert by my alma mater's band (and the pipe band, of course). Ate a lot, drank a lot, slept a lot, and burned the hell out of myself a couple times.

April: Back to work, never easy to do after a 2-week break. Had the most horribly awkward date experience of my life, in which the boy in question CRIED on our second (and last) date. He still calls every once in a while...

May: My Birthday! Had a lovely AbFab-themed party with my friends here in Florida. Made a decision that had the potential to be a poor one, but turned out pretty amazing. Applied to live on campus.

June: Summer! Started teaching summer school, which was an adventure - not least because I was teaching Bible. Found out I could move on campus, started packing up my apartment. Remembered how much I hate packing. Hired people to move my stuff, which was the smartest thing I've ever done. Had a wonderful wonderful college friend visit and help me settle in.

Coming up: July-December.

sigh

2009-12-18T23:42:00.001-05:00

Better Late Than Never

2009-12-18T23:21:00.002-05:00

I'm watching Simon and Garfunkel perform on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and if they can drag their asses back on stage to sing together, the least I can do is post again.

Ok, so the comparison was crap. So sue me.

The semester finished more or less without incident. It reminds me of when I was in high school and thought there was no way I could ever possibly be as busy as I was right then...and when I got to college I swore that this was the busiest I'd ever been and it couldn't possibly get any worse. Then I started my first year of teaching and thought "ok, this is it, I have hit maximum capacity". Then I started my third year of teaching and moved on campus and adopted two neurotic cats. The only way it could get worse is if I have kids, so now we KNOW that ain't happening.

I keep reading these "2009 in review" articles, and realized that, due to my recent habit of not updating/returning calls/keeping in touch with anyone, I should probably do something similar. That and the fact that I have a sizable stack of exams that I do NOT want to grade, and this is as good a distraction as any. So while I attempt to compile the best, worst and juiciest parts of 2009, enjoy the song that's been making me tear up lately (not really, I never cry, we all know this....)

Fill in the blanks

2009-10-04T20:36:00.003-04:00

1. If I was on a first date with someone and s/he ordered a drink that was either pink or contained more than 4 ingredients I would probably end the date early.
2. When I’m sick I really want someone to bring me a fruit smoothie and then snuggle with me (I have a beastly cold right now....hint hint .
3. I know that some people really love movie collectibles but I don’t understand how they spend so much money on it.
4. I know that some people think I’m crazy for spending so much money on stuff for my kitchen but I really love them.
5. I’m so glad that I’ve out grown needing to be in a relationship since high school.
6. I am living proof that the stereotype about home-schooled kids isn’t always accurate.
7. I know that it is a made-up word; but shit-tastic (sorry mom) is a permanent part of my vocabulary.
8. I can’t wait for my sudafed to kick in (short term) and the next couple weeks to be over (longer term).
9. The most common misconception about me is that I'm actually paying attention to everything going on around me - 90% of the time I don't really care.
10. I wish I wouldn’t feel the need to Google myself but sometimes I just can’t stop myself.
11. If I never heard the word (or phrase) Wait, what did you say? (uttered by a student) it would still be too soon.
12. I have a hidden talent for remembering people from 10+ years ago for really random reasons that no one would ever expect of me.
13. I am not a fan of extraordinary rendition; but if it were to take place for crimes against common decency then Michael Moore should be the first person on the place to Guantanamo.

Ugh

2009-09-28T22:59:00.002-04:00

I haven't forgotten about this blog, I promise. School's in full swing, I'm a resident teacher (hello dorm duty), trying to juggle something that may or may not be a significant other-type scenario (refuse to use "R" word), taking care of my kitties, and prepping more classes than I thought possible (How is it possible to teach 8 classes in a 6-class rotation, you ask? We'll chat....). So tired. So. Very. Tired. I swear I will be posting something substantial soon, it's just been a hectic month.

Home again home again

2009-08-21T19:23:00.002-04:00

My kitties are both back home now :-)

Josie (the little one) had developed a respiratory infection, which wasn't getting any better after all sorts of antibiotics, and over the course of a 2-night stint in the local VCA Animal Hospital they ran tests and discovered that she also had a serious stomach infection that was terrorizing her immune system. It also made her lose her appetite, which is a serious issue with a kitten who weighs less than 3 lbs. Anyway, I picked her up today and other than still being congested, my little one is doing just fine :-) And in equally awesome news, since it was part of a condition that she developed within 14 days of adoption, the bill for 2 nights in the hospital, 2 sets of antibiotics for each cat (so Medea doesn't get sick too) and eye drops for Josie came to.......$0. That's right, I don't have to pay a cent (thank God). So all's well that ends well.

(minus the part where I have to administer medicine a total of 8 times daily to 2 kittens with very sharp claws and teeth who do NOT like taking medicine. Sweet.)

May angels lead you in

2009-08-18T13:48:00.002-04:00

It is possible to provide security against other ills, but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls. ~~Epicurus

As a teacher my job is to instruct, inspire, encourage, and protect my students. When something or someone hurts them, even if the student in question wasn't someone I had a close relationship with, I feel somewhat responsible, as though I should have been there to help. I don't know if it's a "maternal" instinct, but there is something in me that dearly wants to shield my kids from the shitty things that happen in life, and the last week has made that even clearer to me.

One of my students, a rising junior, was killed on Monday, August 10 while riding her bike less than a couple miles from home. She hung on for a few hours, but didn't make it.

There is no denying that this young woman was one of God's less easy-going creations, but she had an intellect and personality that made you notice her. She planned on going to med school, was an intense (to say the least) water polo player, and had a smile that practically went ear to ear.

As I left her funeral this morning, the only thing running through my mind was a phrase the priest said: "These things aren't SUPPOSED to happen." 16-year-old girls with everything going for them are not supposed to be taken away just like that. Parents aren't supposed to have to bury their children. Kids with a good education and good family are supposed to go on to do great things, not leave a hole in their community by dying too soon.

If I could do one thing right now, I would hug each and every one of my students and tell them how much I care about them, and how much they mean to our community. Life is fragile, be good to the people around you, because you never know how long you'll have with them.

My beautiful kittens

2009-08-17T12:06:00.003-04:00

Meet Medea (the beautiful black cat) and Josephine (the little tortoise-shell)

What I'm listening to at the moment:

2009-08-13T10:27:00.003-04:00

Lisa Hannigan, "I Don't Know"

Ben Folds, "The Luckiest"

Regina Spektor "Laughing With"

Robert Plant and Alison Krause (talk about an unholy alliance), "Gone Gone Gone"

And speaking of unholy alliances......

Mat Weddle covering "Hey Ya"......yeah, I know.

Coming soon: pictures of my new kittens!

I really do have such wonderful friends....

2009-08-10T18:05:00.003-04:00

Me

the fact that I have been reading Hesiod for 2 days is really going to have a negative impact on my kittens' names

Tristan

i think it can only have a positive effect

what cat wouldn't want to be named after one of Hesiod's characters

Me

the tortie is still nameless, the black one is Nyx unless I am talked out of it

the tortie has a trouble making streak....leaning towards Livia

or maybe Eris

Tristan

lol

such a classicist

it's great

Me

and oh so very proud of it

if I can't be a nerd with my pets, when can I?

Tristan

too true

Me

my friend the classics major suggested Dative and Vocative

Tristan

hahahahaha

Me

she will never be left alone with these cats...

Tristan

never. she'll give to one and yell at the other

Talk about putting things in perspective....

2009-08-02T23:22:00.003-04:00

Just had the most wonderful dinner and glass of wine with a dear friend, and talk about learning not to sweat the small stuff. She's a brilliant woman who's well-respected in her field, who's weathered enough personal storms and life-threatening illnesses for 5 lifetimes, and yet she's still the strong, tranquil, insightful person that I've known since my first days of college. Kind of makes the nonsense I've been worrying about the last few days seem like completely nothing.

2009-08-01T17:16:00.002-04:00

feet of clay

Definition from Wiktionary, a free dictionary

[hide]

1 English
- 1.1 Etymology
- 1.2 Idiom
  - 1.2.1 Translations

[edit] English

[edit] Etymology

Used in the Bible in Daniel 2:34, part of the description of the huge statue in the dream of Chaldean King Nebuchadnezzar.

[edit] Idiom

feet of clay

(idiomatic) To say that someone, who appears strong or invincible, in fact has a hidden weak point which could cause their fall.
He was disillusioned to find that even Lincoln had feet of clay.

I've always thought myself to be a pretty honest judge of character. I know that I'm far from perfect, and I don't expect anyone else to be. One of the only things that really gets to me is when someone says one thing and does another.

Case in point: I was meeting up with someone for drinks and they said "I'll see you about 8:30".
To me this means "I'll see you about 8:30", so at 8:30 I'm ready to go, and sit around my apartment til 10:15 waiting for my date. I was FURIOUS. See, I wasn't mad that we were late - lateness happens, and very rarely bothers me. What really got to me was that he made the effort to set a specific time and Didn't. Stick. To. It. If you don't know what time you'll be somewhere, SAY SO. Don't just pick an arbitrary time and then show up when you get around to it (which, as it happens, he admitted doing).

Anyway, I told that story to illustrate a point, but it's not why I'm in a bad mood.

I've always taken the term "feet of clay" as implying that the people who assume someone is invincible are stupid, because no one is invincible, and finding out that your hero has "feet of clay" is therefore a huge (but inevitable) shock. With that taken into consideration I guess I shouldn't be TOO upset to learn that someone I have the utmost respect, who means a great deal to me, and someone who I always considered above reproach would act like, for lack of a better term, a skunk. Petty conflicts are one thing, but when someone goes out of their way to share something I told them in confidence, it really stings. I don't want to be "that chick who overreacts", but I sort of wonder - who is more in the wrong? The person who betrayed my trust, or me for putting him on some sort of "pedestal of trustworthiness"?
(I know that last sentence was cheesy, I apologize)

Pondering.....

2009-07-30T00:31:00.003-04:00

....whether to delete my blog, leave it alone, or overhaul it. I feel like I've sort of lost track of why I started it in the first place (to keep in touch with people from home) and am not quite sure what to do about that.....thoughts are welcome.

Summer Song 2009

2009-07-23T23:11:00.000-04:00

This song makes me unbelievably happy

My New Baby

2009-07-21T20:13:00.001-04:00

Let me go hooooome.....

2009-07-16T01:59:00.002-04:00

Loving being at home.

Loving the summer schedules, not having to be anywhere or get up at a certain time

Shopping for new cars with Daddy (leaning towards the Toyota Yaris), and realizing how blessed I am to be able to afford a new car.

Spending time with dear friends who, no matter the distance, are still here for me.

Sharing stories from the past year with people who know my history and personality, and not having to explain myself.

Chatting with Mom at any time of day (sorry for keeping you up tonight) and remembering that she is, in fact, cooler than me (it's a scientific fact)

Rediscovering my beautiful, brilliant, talented, and wonderful siblings who have grown up while I've been away in OH and FL

Enjoying the beautiful weather that MN has to offer in the summer.

Sitting in the garden and eating fresh snap peas straight off the vine

Sipping wine and eating hummus while sitting outdoors and watching the sun set.

Reveling in all the beauty, deliciousness, joy, and tranquility that life (especially midwest summer) has to offer. I would live like this forever if I could......

Craziness

2009-07-14T15:26:00.002-04:00

Since the last post I have:

-Taught 3 weeks of summer school (Biblical Studies)
-Packed up my apartment
-Moved to a lovely new 2-bedroom apartment
-Had a week-long visit from my favorite Californian (sorry dear, after 4 years you are officially a Californian)
-Unpacked, bought furniture, put together said furniture, attempted to catch up on sleep for a few days
-Packed up again
-Had a (short) visit from 2 of my siblings
-Drove 1700 miles from SoFL to MN in 2 days with said siblings
-Got in at 2am this morning, slept for a LONG time, and am lazing around the house before I call people in town and start setting up coffee dates.

I love summer.

My Summer Songs

2009-06-21T22:42:00.003-04:00

The Pussycat Dolls "Jai Ho" remix from Slumdog Millionaire

Lady Gaga "Paper Gangsta"

Jimi Hendrix "Voodoo Child"

Cage the Elephant "Ain't No Rest For the Wicked"

Beyonce "Why Don't You Love Me"

Cake "I Will Survive"

Wish I'd written that....

2009-06-17T12:58:00.001-04:00

Is reading anything more than being lectured, albeit sometimes by a mortal god like Shakespeare? Well, of course you can always scribble in the margins, argue with the text, or close the book. (A friend told me about taking a volume of Kant from the library and reading a sentence that went on for a page or so, at the end of which, he found, in neat tiny script, the words “You Bastard.”)

from "Enough Already," an article by Mark Edmundson on boring people. Wish I'd thought of writing notes like that in every library copy of Thucydides I could find...

Deep Thought for the Day

2009-06-16T22:14:00.000-04:00

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” similarly, no one can give you a compliment without your assistance.

courtesy of Restaurant Refugee

DAMMIT

2009-06-12T01:14:00.004-04:00

I am a successful woman

My students and coworkers love and respect me

I look WAY better than I did in college

I could easily have any selection of guys that I'm interested in (this comes to me from guys, not girls)

I'm extremely smart

I have an amazing job that most college grads my age couldn't dream of

I live by the ocean

When I finally choose to go to grad school, I have the resources to get into just about any school I choose

With all these things taken into consideration, WHY does it hurt so much to hear that the guy I fell in love with is finally seeing someone else?
Is it because he's officially moved on?
Is it because I didn't have a chance to fall out of love with him before we broke up?
It's been 13 months, I thought I had moved on, but the minute a friend got me up to date, I was right back where I was 13 months ago - what is it about me that made him not want to call more than once a week, and not want to talk for more than 5 minutes? Am I STILL basing my worth on a guy who refuses to grow up?

Reasons I love my Latin students...

2009-06-09T20:02:00.008-04:00

....for the final exam, a handful of them finished early and I told them "Draw me a picture if you're bored."

Boy, did they.

"Watch 4 Robots", indeed....

I'm not sure what Noah did to deserve that, but I'm sure it was pretty bad.

I can tell what's on their minds....

Yeah, he actually got extra credit for this....

This is probably my favorite thing ever.

Or maybe this one....

Tempus fugit

2009-06-04T01:09:00.002-04:00

It's a little strange, now that I think about it, but Florida is getting to me. And not "getting to me" in a bad way, where it messes with my head, etc. (tho possibly that too)

No, I mean it's gotten in my system, like something that I thought I tried once and then found myself mildly addicted to (cloves, anyone?).

As much as I miss the North - the weather, the mentality and the people - there are things that have gotten into my blood that are going to be pretty damn hard to leave.

I love wearing sandals 365 days of the year (unless I'm up north)

I love owning 4 pairs of socks, all of which are meant to be worn with running shoes

I love going to the beach for 30-45 minutes because "it's on the way home" and I want my fix

I love that no one I meet in Florida is actually FROM Florida, and everyone has a story to tell

I love having students who give me bearhugs after taking their last exam EVER with me (even the boys)

I love never being more than 5 miles away from phenomenal sushi

I love hearing Spanish more than English

I love knowing people from every corner of the globe who KNOW where they come from and are proud of it

I love working with people who have welcomed me into their families, biological or not

I love the all-out weirdness of life in SoFL

I love that there is a man who is willing to devote 100% of his energy to make sure I am happy

I love the fact that wearing summer clothes year-round has forced me to take care of my body like I never have before

I love the fact that every day in FL is a new adventure

I love my school, my coworkers, and the wonderful kids that I get to teach on a day-to-day basis.

I love spontaneous cook-outs at any time of year

I love sitting in the sand and feeling the salt breeze on my skin and hair

I love being barefoot. All the time.

I love the feeling of waking up, throwing on a swimsuit and skirt, and not changing until bedtime.....and fitting in no matter where I go

Finally, after 2 years, I have finally settled into my post-college life, and I am loving it. It's been painful, heart-wrenching, and full of low points. But I've learned so much, that no matter the shittiness, everything feels worthwhile. I've survived 2 years of teaching, a toxic living environment, heartbreak, panic attacks, extreme homesickness, getting lost, loneliness, culture shock, and a general feeling of being displaced. Do I wish some of these things hadn't happened? Absolutely. Am I a stronger person because of them? You bet your ass.

wtf?

2009-05-30T23:50:00.002-04:00

I was always determined to never be the girl who waited by the phone, and was depressed when it didn't ring. Tonight I literally jumped out of my skin every time it beeped, thinking it would be that phone call I was waiting for. Instead, it was just someone calling to talk trash about the Red Wings game, or rub in the Cavs loss. I spent the first 25 years of my life NOT being that girl, and now suddenly I am. And I don't like it. Not one bit.

I love my friends

2009-05-30T16:53:00.002-04:00

[guppy's nemesis] (4:41:27 PM): Sweeeeet. If Guppy pisses the Universe off tonight, my chances of getting laid soar.

Oh Florida....

2009-05-25T21:16:00.001-04:00

Dear South Florida gentlemen:

If your jeans are so low and tight that I can tell A: you're not wearing underwear and B: you need to manscape,

WEAR A GODDAMM SHIRT.

Sincerely,
Guppy

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T20:15:00.000-04:00

ASHES of soldiers!
As I muse, retrospective, murmuring a chant in thought,
Lo! the war resumes—again to my sense your shapes,
And again the advance of armies.

Noiseless as mists and vapors,
From their graves in the trenches ascending,
From the cemeteries all through Virginia and Tennessee,
From every point of the compass, out of the countless unnamed graves,
In wafted clouds, in myraids large, or squads of twos or threes, or single ones, they
come,
And silently gather round me.

Now sound no note, O trumpeters!
Not at the head of my cavalry, parading on spirited horses,
With sabres drawn and glist’ning, and carbines by their thighs—(ah, my brave
horsemen!
My handsome, tan-faced horsemen! what life, what joy and pride,
With all the perils, were yours!)

Nor you drummers—neither at reveille, at dawn,
Nor the long roll alarming the camp—nor even the muffled beat for a burial;
Nothing from you, this time, O drummers, bearing my warlike drums.

But aside from these, and the marts of wealth, and the crowded promenade,
Admitting around me comrades close, unseen by the rest, and voiceless,
The slain elate and alive again—the dust and debris alive,
I chant this chant of my silent soul, in the name of all dead soldiers.

Faces so pale, with wondrous eyes, very dear, gather closer yet;
Draw close, but speak not.

Phantoms of countless lost!
Invisible to the rest, henceforth become my companions!
Follow me ever! desert me not, while I live.

Sweet are the blooming cheeks of the living! sweet are the musical voices sounding!
But sweet, ah sweet, are the dead, with their silent eyes.

Dearest comrades! all is over and long gone;
But love is not over—and what love, O comrades!
Perfume from battle-fields rising—up from foetor arising.

Perfume therefore my chant, O love! immortal Love!
Give me to bathe the memories of all dead soldiers,
Shroud them, embalm them, cover them all over with tender pride!

Perfume all! make all wholesome!
Make these ashes to nourish and blossom,
O love! O chant! solve all, fructify all with the last chemistry.

Give me exhaustless—make me a fountain,
That I exhale love from me wherever I go, like a moist perennial dew,
For the ashes of all dead soldiers.

- Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, 1900

....ouch

2009-05-18T20:51:00.001-04:00

Just got my phone bill, and for the second month in a row I was WAY over on texts......helloooo, upgrading to Unlimited Texting....

Oh dear...

2009-05-17T17:57:00.002-04:00

...can one of my friends do something really really stupid so as to distract the Universe from kicking my ass? Please?

Dear Yeebus

2009-05-13T00:01:00.002-04:00

Just watched the reunion episode of Real Housewives of New York and the pilot of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Oh. My. Goodness. Fake tans, fake bubbies, and real diamonds never looked so classless.

Am I excited for the rest of the NJ season?

You bet your Bridge and Tunnel ass I am.

Blargh

2009-05-05T15:13:00.002-04:00

So up and down

One minute I'm perfectly content, the next I'm terribly jealous of my friends up north. My Florida friends are wonderful, and I have my dream job.

So why do I feel so displaced?

Oh, Florida....

2009-05-01T21:31:00.001-04:00

....no matter how many times I convince myself that I don't like Florida, and the people are all wretched, something happens that surprises me, in such a wonderful way.

Nothing like a little nostalgia on a Wednesday evening

2009-04-29T21:25:00.002-04:00

I've heard that the sense of smell is the one that is the most closely connected to memories - i.e., smelling something will bring back sharper memories than eating or hearing. There are some things that, every time I smell them, it's like instantly being back in a certain time or mood, so vivid that I can almost see it.

Fresh cut grass + a slight hint of citronella = summers in MN and Ohio....softball games with my friends from home, sitting on the quad with my college friends, walking down to the Cow when I'm home for break, sitting outside with a book til the bugs come out and it's too dark to see my book

Coffee + baked goods = endless coffee dates downtown, spending half my summer at Seattle's with a book and pint, dragging my laptop to GBM during Christmas break and attempting to finish the first 3 chapters of my thesis

Diesel fuel (I know...) = Costa Rica. Riding in the back of a cattle truck with 25 college students on our way to church, school, or anywhere else we needed to be.

Grass clippings + musty fabric + clove cigarettes = Shakespeare in the Park, 2001. Limited sleep, hundreds of lines that weren't mine running through my head, and spending about 5 hours a day for 7 weeks diving headfirst into Much Ado About Nothing

Salt water = the last 18 months, lying by the beach with a book and my headphones.

Stale beer + popcorn = my old bar, where I worked for 3 years and wrote half my thesis (I revised my introduction sitting at the bar sipping a beer and eating half my weight in pretzels with Rihanna blaring in the background)

Scotch + wool + stale coffee = senior year. pretty much all of it

aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

2009-04-28T23:18:00.000-04:00

http://www.wftv.com/news/19311020/detail.html

Swine flu in Florida, EVERYONE PANIC

Oh dear

2009-04-28T00:13:00.001-04:00

I'm in touch with an ex again.

I'm aware this is probably unwise. My heart has gotten the shit kicked out of 3 times because of distance, and I don't want to let that happen again.

But still.

I'm afraid of weekends....

2009-04-26T00:21:00.002-04:00

The only thing more awkward than going on a semi-blind date and texting about it to a friend who coaches varsity lacrosse is learning that the response text I got was actually from the ENTIRE LACROSSE TEAM who were messing with his iPhone (though they fooled me, since the response was just inappropriate enough to have come from my friend....)

Did I mention that I managed to drop a full jumbo jar of spaghetti sauce that EXPLODED on my kitchen floor and left pieces 10 feet away, as well as embedded in my foot?

Oh yeah, and then there's the date itself.....

And let's not forget the fact that the specialty store was OUT of Oberon when I went to find something to soothe my jangled (and thirsty) nerves.

All in all, I think I may be staying in (and away from glass jars) til it's time for school on Monday....

mmmm, nostalgia

2009-04-22T21:27:00.002-04:00

I really really love these movies. I grew up watching the VHS copies that we'd taped when they were on PBS, and when they finally wore out the DVD's had just come on the market. I bought them as a Christmas present for myself last year, and they're great to have on in the background while I'm grading. It helps that I literally have all 3 movies memorized.

oh....my

2009-04-21T21:57:00.001-04:00

my mother and my mentor/former professor are now facebook friends. Oh my.

Song of the moment

2009-04-20T21:39:00.002-04:00

The video is lame, but I am LOVING this song right now.....

"Candle" by White Tie Affair

4 years?

2009-04-20T18:57:00.002-04:00

Today we had an awards ceremony for our seniors (eep, graduation in a month!), and even though I only know a handful of the class of 2009, I actually teared up. In 2 years, those will be MY kids up there. And by "my kids," I mean the class of 2011 that were 9th graders when I started. For the first time in a while, all I could think about were the people who weren't my colleagues, the train wrecks I used to live with, or the family and friends I left behind up north.

My kids.

I think of them as "my kids," even the ones that I don't teach anymore or have never taught (but still manage to wander into my classroom on a semi-regular basis.) The idea of leaving them behind is not one that I want to think about - they keep me smiling (and infuriated), ask me questions I don't know the answer to, ask me questions I DO know the answer to but won't tell them, ask me for advice, give ME advice, and never cease to amaze me. I know the 10th grade kiddos will be gone in 2 years, which fits into my own timeline, and yet I sort of wish they weren't - kids like mine don't come along every day.

O tempura! O morays!

2009-04-20T14:08:00.003-04:00

"Ok, well, this is indirect speech, but you can't tell because Cicero didn't actually use an introductory verb, the only way you can tell is because the subject is in the accusative - and yes, I know that it's a neuter so it looks nominative. Also, the verb is an infinitive. yes, I'm aware that it's a passive infinitive so it LOOKS like a 1st person perfect, but trust me....I'm a teacher."

I am fully aware that this will make sense to about 3 people who read my blog, but hopefully those 3 people will understand why I want to beat my brains out against a copy of In Catilinam

What does it say about me....

2009-04-19T22:32:00.001-04:00

......that I'm heading to bed to curl up with an Oberon and "Orthodoxy"?

(You can pay my) bills bills bills

2009-04-19T13:54:00.002-04:00

I hate the first Sunday after payday every month, or as I like to call it, "Bill-Paying Day"

Almost all my bills are paid online, so it's more an issue of checking the balance on my 2 student loans, 2 credit cards (I am a good girl and pay them off every month), checking account, savings account, utility and cell phone bill, as well as sending in my rent check. Since I get paid monthly, it makes me a little nervous every time I see my checking balance nose dive on the following Monday. What if my car breaks down 3 weeks before payday? Should I make an extra large loan payment or leave myself a cushion in case of emergencies? Can I afford to buy those new shoes now, or should I wait til right before the next check? Do I REALLY need to go to happy hour once a week?

Now that I'm trying to save money for grad school, the issue of bank balance is a little more nerve-wracking than before. Every once in a while there's an extra big expense (insurance premium, plane ticket, etc) that I always know about beforehand, but don't necessarily plan for. Ever since I was in high school, I've never found myself in the position of being broke or close to broke between paychecks, but until I have 3 months salary tucked away in my savings account, I will always be a little wary. And yes, I know I should have been saving up a LOT before now, but what can I say - I was enjoying having a fair bit of expendable income for the first time. But now, I've got an end goal, I'm putting about 30% of every paycheck into my savings account, and thinking twice before I make a big purchase. Nights out consist of dinner at home and a pint or two at the bar. My summer plans are going to be financed not by my savings account, but the extra money I'm making by teaching summer school in June. Happy hours are NOT going away, but they're less frequent, and don't involve loads of overpriced appetizers.

But I'm still not drinking cheap beer. I'm economizing, not depriving myself.

Dammit

2009-04-18T23:42:00.002-04:00

Dear married/engaged/taken friends:

Do NOT assume that "oh, you'll TOTALLY find someone some day" is EVER an acceptable addition to a conversation with me.

Just.

Don't.

I do not want to be comforted, I do not want to be reassured. If I find someone, I find someone, and that is wonderful. But if I don't, please don't think that is a free pass to explain to me why whatever I'm doing is not working. Please.

aw

2009-04-18T15:24:00.001-04:00

Sponge Bob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?
Patrick: Wait for you to get back.

And the score is....

2009-04-18T14:02:00.002-04:00

.....Immovable Objects: 2, Guppy's toes: 0

In DC I ran into a curb (long story) and faceplanted in the mud, which resulted in a badly sprained big toe (thanks for taking care of me, Doppelganger :-). Last night I misjudged the distance between my foot and a lamp and obliterated my little toe. Now it's a bloody mess that may also be sprained. Sonuvabitch.....

I'll have what she's having

2009-04-16T23:07:00.001-04:00

My life seems to have turned into a Meg Ryan movie, but I'm not really sure if I'm Meg Ryan or Billy Crystal. Damn.

There can be only one

2009-04-16T21:07:00.002-04:00

It's official, I am now the only one living in my 4-unit condo. Not that I mind (my neighbors have been a little annoying), but it is a little wierd to know that I am the ONLY one in the building. Anyone wanna come over for a really really loud party?

Getting my act together

2009-04-15T22:36:00.002-04:00

Well, dear reader(s), I'm finally biting the bullet. After almost 2 years in Florida (and a contract signed through June 2010, thank God), I'm beginning the grad school hunt.

And I'm scared shitless.

This would probably have been easier if I was coming straight out of college, but instead I moved to Florida and got some real-world experience (and saved not NEARLY enough money in the first year and a half). It's been an adventure, but I'm ready to move on.

Now the problem is, when do I do this "moving on"? To be perfectly honest, I want nothing more than to drop everything and head straight up to the land of four seasons, normal people, and proper driving. The last few months have been rough, but that's a post for another day. But, since I have the aforementioned contract through next June, leaving tomorrow is not really an option. With that in mind, the (very roughly drawn-up) plan is to start in the fall of 2010, assuming I get into ANYTHING, and assuming the money is there (helllloooo, eating pasta and cereal for the next 15 months). Rest assured, I will keep updating (more frequently than in the past, since I feel guilty about that), and expect a short(ish) list of potential schools in the not-too-distant future.

You know, even though this is going to keep me obscenely busy, it might end up being the only thing that keeps me sane right now. But like I said, a post for another day....

Looking for your first teaching job?

2009-04-14T22:52:00.003-04:00

As a dear friend pointed out, this nicely sums up the esoteric thing known as "experience" in the world of teaching:

Like a smoking break for my mind

2009-04-14T22:08:00.002-04:00

4 Favorite Songs:
Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
Meredith Brooks - Bitch
Nina Simone - Ain't Got No, I Got Life

Two Favorites from Your High School Days
U2 - Where the Streets Have No Name
Jennifer Knapp - Trinity

Two groups with too many good songs to choose just one:
U2 (duh)
Lifehouse

Two artists/groups who are grossly over-rated: (Just two???)

Coldplay
Green Day

One group with only one good song:
All-American Rejects (Give You Hell)

One ‘guilty pleasure’ song that doesn’t fit with the rest of your musical tastes:

Lil Kim - Lighters Up

And, finally, one word to describe your musical tastes: Fickle

back

2009-04-13T22:44:00.002-04:00

back from Easter Break in DC, trying to wrap my head around the last 4 days.

more on that later, but for now a couple excerpts from my new favorite book that I finished reading on the plane:

"I haven't said 'kiss me' because life is too short for the kiss my heart calls for" (Stella Campbell to Bernard Shaw, 18th November, 1912)

"I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human kind of way. You, with all your undumb letters, would never write so elementary a phrase as that; perhaps you wouldn't even feel it. And yet I believe you'd be sensible of a little gap. But you'd clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it would lose a little bit of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is really just a squeal of pain. It is incredible to me how essential you have become....You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don't love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don't really resent it. (Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf, 21st January 1927)

It's so far past my bedtime....

2009-03-24T01:27:00.002-04:00

.....and yet I can't sleep. Must have been the 2-minute catnap I took during the Daily Show. My wonderful "Wifey" is still here, it's been a fabulous 9 days (though there is hairspray all over my friggin floor :-P) and I reeeallllyyyy don't want her to leave. The third member of the Triumvirate was here for a few days too, and we had multiple adventures in Naples (i.e. I got lost a lot).

In rather strange news, as you may know I've had a rough few months. Feeling disconnected from my friends up north and less than connected with the few friends I have down here has been getting to me. I told myself a little while ago that it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself, accept the fact that I'm no longer surrounded by my college friends, and, in the words of a dear friend, "put my big girl panties on and deal with it"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I dealt with it. I've decided to become more friendly when I meet people, talk to strangers, and generally carry myself like the strong person I know I am. Now, the results have been mixed, as follows:

An extended conversation on the beach in Naples with 2 very nice Canadian gentlemen who recently moved to my part of the state

The exchange of contact info with said gentlemen and nebulous plans to meet up sometime this week while Wifey is still here

A second conversation with the abovementioned Canucks when I ran into them at the ice cream shop by the beach

Free ice cream from a cute guy working at Tin City (I LOVE ice cream...)

Meeting someone who grew up 20 minutes from my hometown, which I discovered after complimenting him on his Twins shirt

There's also a rather awkward encounter with a guy who works at my favorite sweets shop, I'm still not sure which category that falls into....

Reunion pt. 1

2009-03-14T23:34:00.003-04:00

[we are tinkering with E's new $900 camera]

Me (looking at the instruction manual): So, it's digital, right?

E: Um, I think so....this screen means it's digital, right?

E, trying to put together the camera. Note the LARGE vodka Red Bull

Close-up on vodka Red Bull

I even took a stab at said camera. The sunburn is from spending a few hours in my car today - not the beach, the pool, or anything. Just driving with the window open. F. you, Florida.

Oh B.....

2009-03-11T17:28:00.003-04:00

To give some back-story, my friend B just had major surgery and was going to come by campus to drop off some paperwork and get out of the house. I called to let her know I would take the stuff for her.

Me: Hey B, I know you were gonna come over with your contract stuff, but someone here has chicken pox and since you're still pretty weak, we didn't want you to catch anything.

B: ......ok, that makes a lot more sense

Me: What?

B: Well, [our boss] just left me a voice-mail but the line was bad, and I could have sworn she said "the cops are on campus and you might be compromised"....but in hindsight, she may have been talking about my immune system....

Me: ....wow. Just....wow. Sweet, mild-mannered B, wanted by the cops!

B: I know! I look all innocent, but just you wait....when your back is turned I'll poison your water supply....

This may end very badly....

2009-03-01T22:17:00.002-05:00

My college's band is on tour this spring, and they're going to be over in Naples, which is about 2 hrs away. Of course, since I'm a bagpipe junkie, I HAVE to be there, right?

Of course, my ex is still playing with said band, and we're sort of not speaking....

SO I'm going anyway, it will be good to see the other friends I have who will be on the tour, and a little bagpipes never hurt anyone.

I'm a little nervous, though...as most everyone knows, I am definitely not as over the ex as I pretend to be or think I am, and it would be just like me to either start crying or have a couple pints before hand to stiffen my resolve and fall asleep during the concert (which, by the way, is in a church). I'm trying to find someone to go with me, but so far it's a no-go.

So what do you think? Good idea/Bad idea? Am I setting myself up?

bah, I am in a rut

2009-02-25T18:38:00.002-05:00

Sorry not to have posted lately, there honestly hasn't been much to write about. School is busy, I have very little social life, and will be SO happy when it's spring break. Translating Dies Irae with Latin 3, Latin 2 is reading a story about Perseus, and History is starting a unit on Alexander the Great. So yeah, that's what I'm up to....

Carlos Varela

2009-02-15T11:15:00.001-05:00

Una palabra no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
igual que el viento que esconde el agua
como las flores que esconde el lodo.

Una mirada no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo dice todo
como la lluvia sobre tu cara
o el viejo mapa de algún tesoro.

Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo.

Si un día me faltas no seré nada
y al mismo tiempo lo seré todo
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo,
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo.

Translation-

A word does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that mud hides.

A glance does not say anything
And at the same time it says everything
Like rain on your face
Or an old treasure map

A truth does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that does not go out
Like a stone that is born dust.

If one day you need me, I will be nothing
And at the same time I will be everything
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown

requiescat

2009-02-14T19:59:00.001-05:00

Nothing makes me feel more impotent than trying to comfort someone over the phone whose father has just been killed.

dear God.

4 years

2009-02-11T21:54:00.002-05:00

4 years ago this week, two important people in my life passed away.
One was a family friend I'd known nearly my whole life, sort of an uncle-type figure. He had a massive heart attack while skiing, which was a huge shock because he was one of the most athletic, active people out there.
The second was a college housemate who, I guess, hit a brick wall. He'd always wrestled with depression, and we'd gotten more distant over the previous semester. I don't what incited it, I don't know what the final straw was, but he took his own life at home. They didn't know each other, but they died within 24 hours of each other and that one-two punch was a feeling I'll never forget.

I'm not going to play the emo high schooler and say that I've mourned them ever since.
A piece of my life was lost that week, but tragedy happens and the world moves on. Do I still get a twinge when I hear certain songs or see pictures? Absolutely.
I was scanning old photos the other day and ran across one from freshman year that involved a giant pair of pants, my male housemates, and more laughter than the rest of the year put together. When I found one with D and "The Pants," I started laughing, then choked up, then was surprised when there were tears on my face.
Little things like the Dashboard Confessional CD that I bought because D said it would change my life (it did) and the Rattle & Hum DVD that he let me borrow on an almost weekly basis.
The Jimmy Eat World song that was played at his funeral and still gives me goosebumps.
And sometimes there are completely random moments that take my breath away when I remember how lucky I am to have been part of their worlds.
Conversations about Chucks, because D could make even the most beat-up pair of green high-tops look cool.
Goodbye Blue Monday first thing in the morning, because whenever I was there on a weekend AM, I knew I'd run into J.
Polarfleeece vests. I swear, no matter WHAT the weather, J had a polarfleece vest on.

Like I said, I can't say that I'm still mourning. Excessive mourning is selfish and a wee bit attention-whorish, in my humble opinion. I cried, cursed, hid and moped, and now I'm done. Still, I miss these two wonderful guys, and I always will. Rest well, my friends.

May angels lead you in
Hear you me, my friend
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in.

Need to vent for juuuust a second

2009-02-02T23:53:00.002-05:00

Ok so, I've been catching flack from a couple people (one guy friend in particular) lately for "never having time to talk" and "pretending" to be too busy for IM's, etc.

"pretending".

Um, let me make one thing very very clear. I am very sorry that I am not all that wordy when I respond to an IM sent at 10:30pm or on a Sunday evening. I'm sorry that I'm no longer in college and able to have deep heartfelt conversations til 3am and then drag myself in my PJ's to a 10am class. I wake up every morning and have to be out the door by 6:30. After tutoring (for free), around 5:30 I make it home and either head to the gym or try to get my apartment tidied up a bit. Then I cook a quick dinner, and am sitting in front of my computer by about 7:15. From 7:15 to about 9:30 or so I am grading, planning for the next day, responding to parent emails, and doing the 500 other things that I don't actually get paid to do but still have to do. On the off chance that I don't have much work to do (haha.....) I will either zone out in front of a movie for an hour or so or attempt to read something that is in no way related to either Latin or ancient history. Usually this is either Agatha Christie or one of the books from the shelf entitled "I bought/received/inherited these books in hopes that I would read them and haven't touched them yet". On Fridays I make it home around 4:30, and unless I am actually going out that night (rare) I usually have dinner, get groceries, watch a movie, and am out cold by about 10. Saturday is my day, I go to the beach (weather permitting), run all my errands for the week, clean the apartment (yup, I'm still OCD), do laundry, and try to grab dinner with one of the handful of people I hang out with down here. Sundays I sleep in, go to the gym or for a looooong walk, and then get started on planning for the week, catching up on grading, etc. and start doing research for upcoming units (I change things up a lot, I'm still finding out what works and what doesn't). During the football season I go to Becky's for the game, then come home and try to be in bed by 10.

Please understand, I don't say this in a "woe is me" kind of way, and I'm not trying to get pity. I'm simply saying that this is why I'm not good at keeping in touch, and I'm sorry. Believe me, I would give anything to live closer to my family and friends from school. Those of you who live less than an hour from a bunch of close friends have no idea how very lucky you are. If I could spend every evening talking to all of you and being social I would, but I just can't. I don't get to come home at 5 and tune out til the next morning, and I don't get to blow an entire weekend at the pub. I learned the hard way (i.e. in the old neighborhood) that I can't do that to my body, because I suffer and my work suffers.

Believe me, I love my job. I love that I get to come to school every day and spend time with an amazingly dynamic, bright, and (somewhat) motivated group of students. I love knowing that I'm good at what I do, and seeing my students catch my excitement for what I teach. I love that the people I work with genuinely care for me, and have proven time and time again that they will do whatever they can to help me and support me. But for this awesome job, there is a trade-off. At some point I will move back up north to MN or Ohio or Chicago or DC and be around the people that I love, but for now, for better or for worse, I'm down in SoFL and I'm working my ass off to be the best teacher I can possibly be.

(ok, that ended up being a MUCH longer vent than I had planned)

I am so very entertained.....

2009-01-31T11:32:00.001-05:00

Some things will never change...

2009-01-28T19:14:00.002-05:00

After no contact for almost 4 months, one of my old neighbors sent me a message on facebook, asking how I was doing, saying she'd been thinking about me, etc.

Ok, whatever. I responded, we chatted online a bit, and she asked if I wanted to meet for drinks this evening.

Against my better judgement I said yes, and was nervous about it for about a week.

This evening after school I went to my favorite pub, got a table and some iced tea and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Bitch stood me up!

(not that I particularly care, I've written her out of my life, the flatbread I had for dinner was delish, and the waiter was HOTT and flirted with me most of the evening.)

In honor of the Inauguration and MLK Day....

2009-01-18T21:05:00.000-05:00

conflicted

2009-01-16T19:53:00.002-05:00

Survived the grade 9 camping trip, with only one serious injury (to a student, not me) to show for it

Came back to town, went out for happy hour with a couple other teachers, had a great time, went back to a friend's place for another drink

....then found out that the friend (a coworker) had gotten royally screwed by the school admin, only part of which involves not getting his contract renewed.

So now I find myself for the 3rd time in 2 years in the position of having a good friend (and in this case, one that I'm very attracted to....) who will be leaving in June because their teaching contract isn't being renewed. Dan went to NY, Jacq went to WI, and I don't know where this particular friend will end up (hopefully Miami for grad school), but it SUCKS.

Welcome home, right?

There is something seriously wrong with me...

2009-01-11T22:00:00.003-05:00

....and I'll tell you why. Because I'm watching the Golden Globes and have teared up for the following moments:

Heath Ledger winning for Dark Knight (ok, ok, I know a lot of people probably did)
the shot of Mickey Rourke when Springsteen won for Best Song (which I just bought and am a little verklempt)
the clip of Schindler's List shown during Spielberg's Cecil B. DeMille Award
Sally Hawkins winning for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy and bawling like a baby - and then the camera cutting to Emma Thompson who was also bawling

I don't even LIKE award shows, what is wrong with me???

Ugh

2009-01-09T20:28:00.002-05:00

I ran into someone tonight, someone I have history with, but haven't spoken to in quite some time. Within 10 seconds of talking to him I realized that, as far as I thought I had come, I'm still not entirely free of him. I keep telling myself that I'm a successful woman with a good job, good friends, who some guy somewhere will be happy to be with. But this man, who is responsible for some of the most miserable moments of the last 2 years and made me feel like the scum of the earth somehow still has me wrapped around his little finger. How does he do that? He doesn't give a damn about me, and yet after spending less than 5 minutes with him I feel like I'm right back where I started.

It's not fair. I am worth more than this.

2008 highlights

2009-01-03T00:17:00.001-05:00

My favorite songs of 2008.....here's the first (I know it's long, but it's worth watching the whole video

Flooooorida

2009-01-02T23:35:00.002-05:00

Aaaan, I'm back

It's good to be back in my own apartment, but I miss my family like hell. Own bathroom = awesome. Sharing bathroom with 5-8 family members = equally awesome. My apartment was (relatively) clean and ready to be lived in again (thanks Ruth!), but it's still hard to know that I'm spending the night away from my folks. It's weird, but the older I get the harder it is to go back to home base after a vacation. Maybe it's just because being a grownup blows (duh), but it gets harder and harder to say goodbye at the end of a break. Man, I didn't cry at ALL when Mom and Dad dropped me off at school my freshman year, but by the time I was a senior it was physically difficult to leave home at the end of a break.

Then I moved to Florida, and before too long realized just how far away I am from home. Gah.

Coming back to FL was painful, but I am hoping it was just because I didn't want to start school again. Ah well.

Happy New Year to all, more blogging later, I promise :-)

Ohio, how do I love thee....

2009-01-01T14:59:00.001-05:00

and THIS, ladies and gentlemen, explains to you one of the many reasons I loved living in Ohio, right in the middle of GLBC distribution territory....and why I think Florida is the place where good beer goes to die....

New Year's Resolutions

2008-12-31T14:58:00.002-05:00

Eat breakfast every morning
renew my passport
increase how much I put in savings each month
eat healthier (someone want to have a "cleaning out the fridge/pantry/liquor cabinet party"?)
actually USE the gym that's less than 100 yards from my front door
start knitting again
go to bed early on school nights (this is more a survival thing than anything else)
stop facebook stalking exes/people I don't get along with anymore/people I have crushes on (just a warning, this one will probably NOT happen)
stop "having TV on in the background" when I'm doing work (hey, wasn't this last year's resolution too?)
fix my bike

what, no one said they had to be deep or life-changing.....

Do you ever....

2008-12-31T01:13:00.002-05:00

...hear a song that, for better or for worse, takes your breath away when you hear it? I have a handful of those, and one of them just came up on my WMP shuffle. I've been avoiding it since May, but it might be time to start listening to it again. I guess one of the hazards when you and someone you care about have a "song" is that, eventually, it will sting when you hear it.

B B King & Larry Carlton - Hummingbird
Uploaded by taduckly_

Sometimes I get impatient
But she cools me without words
And she comes so sweet and so plain
My hummingbird and have you heard
That I thought my life had ended
But I find that it's just begun
Cause she gets me where I live
I'll give all I have to give
I'm talking about that hummingbird
Oh she's little and she loves me
Too much for words to say
When I see her in the morning sleeping
She's little and she loves me
To my lucky day
Hummingbird don't fly away

When I'm feeling wild and lonesome
She knows the words to say
And she gives me a little understanding
In her special way
And I just have to say
In my life I loved a woman
Because she's more than I deserve
And she gets me where I live
I'll give all I have to give
I'm talking about that hummingbird
Oh she's little and she loves me
Too much for words to say
When I see her in the morning sleeping
She's little and she loves me
To my lucky day

Hummingbird don't fly away

2008-12-24T23:40:00.002-05:00

To all of my wonderful friends, whether you are in Minnesota, Ohio, Norway, Florida, Washington, Colorado, New York, DC, or any other place that life has taken you, THANK YOU for being my friends and supporting me this year. It's been an adventure, and I have no doubt that next year will be even more so. And yet, in spite of the stress, tears, headaches and heartaches, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I love you all, you mean the world to me.

And so, I leave you with one of my favorite cinematic Christmas moments:

God Jul, Buon Natale, Froeliche Weinachten, Kala Christouyenna, Natale Hilare, Joyeux Noel, and a Happy New Year to you all :-)

my favorite Christmas song

2008-12-24T12:11:00.001-05:00

mea culpa....

2008-12-20T00:04:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry, I am a horrible blogger. It was finals week, 'nuff said.

By the time I came home on Wednesday afternoon, I felt like I had sprinted a marathon. As I collapsed on my couch in front of the MASH dvds that I (yay foresight) had picked up at the library the day before, I mentally compared finals as a college student vs. finals as a teacher. Some similarities, but some rather significant differences.

1: When you're in college, the work starts when you begin studying for finals, and ends when you take them. When you're a teacher, the work starts about 2 weeks before the final, with a 4-5 day hiatus while your department chair (or chairs, in my case) approve your drafts, then you get them printed up, check them 10 times for typos, proctor the exams (twice, in my case), and grade as though your life depended on it.

2: In both cases, you really do feel as though you sprinted a marathon, and NEVER feel like you've done enough work.

3: When I was in college, I knew that all I could do was review my notes and catch up on the readings I missed, and nothing else was in my control. Now that I'm teaching, I have to write the exams, make sure the study guides are sufficiently inclusive (we NEVER got study guides in college), review the HELL out of my students, and pray to God and all the saints that there are no typos.

4: As a college student, you can basically give up everything but studying for finals for about a week and a half, even basic hygiene (remember when the guys would stop shaving from Tgiving break to the end of finals week?). As a teacher, you may be working yourself sick trying to get the drafts finished, but even if you didn't go to bed til 2am, you still have to drag your sorry ass up at 5:45, shower, eat a proper breakfast, and make the 25-minutes commute to be on campus by 7:15 and teach a full day and THEN stay to finish all the other random crap in your classroom til it's dark out. I'm sorry to say, a lot of movies were shown the week before review week.

5: Remember when you were in college and considered a mark of pride to stay up as late as you possibly could and sleep for 12 hours over the course of the week, as well as eating half your weight in Ramen and Pop-Tarts, and going through a case of Red Bull in 3 days (Elisabeth, that's directed at you....), all with seemingly no ill effects. As a teacher, you learn very very early that you have to get as much sleep as humanly possible, because students can smell sleep-deprivation....and fear.....and ill-preparedness.

6: The worst that happens if you fail an exam? Parents yell, GPA drops. Screw up an exam that your prep school kids are taking (or even the review session, in my case - apparently) and get yelled at by people whose watch cost more than my car. *sigh*

Anyway, now it's done, and I'm doing a little half-assed grading and a lot of napping and cleaning my apartment, which has not been cleaned in like 2 weeks. I finally have clean AND FOLDED clothes, which (hopefully) will also be put away in my closet tomorrow.

On a side note....

I AM GOING HOME ON SUNDAY!!!

Yes, I am excited about this. I was also excited about treating myself to a manicure before I left (happy early Christmas to meeeee), but since tonight I tore my nail while sitting on my couch eating pizza, that will have to wait. It's a shame, too, because I had finally gotten them nice and long and grown-up looking.

Umm, what else is new.

Oooh, I got contacts! Still on the fence about them, because they feel WIERD and I have trouble getting them out (and may or may not have dropped one down the sink yesterday), but considering the fact that I have peripheral vision for the first time in 24 years, I'm not complaining TOO much.

So yes, that's been my very exciting (/sarcasm) couple weeks (at least the portions that I am going to share), sorry I've fallen off the radar :-)

Once I get home and am not running 90 miles an hour, there will most likely be TONS more updating, so stay tuned.....

-guppy

Question

2008-12-08T23:23:00.004-05:00

I'm looking at a new tattoo, and trying to decide between 2 different designs. Let me know what you think....

The black and white one is appealing because it's so simple, and I love the way it still looks like pen strokes. The second one is also pretty, and I love the flowers (though I'm a bit wary about color)

Prince Caspian

2008-12-04T20:29:00.002-05:00

So, I just watched Prince Caspian today, and I'm a little conflicted. There were SO MANY things I didn't like (the Caspian/Susan thing, the Inigo Montoya-esque accents, messing with the timing of events, the preponderance of battle scenes, etc) and so many things I loved (Caspian and Peter...*sigh*, the river god, doing more with Lucy's character, Eddie Izzard as Reepicheep - BRILLIANCE). Still, I think I liked it overall.
The book itself has always left me with a letdown feeling after I read it. The Pevensies get to go back to Narnia, but only for a little while, and then Peter and Susan find out they don't get to go back again. The Narnia they come back to isn't the one they left - Cair Paravel is in ruins, Narnians are in hiding, trees and animals don't speak anymore, etc. It was so sad when Lucy walked through the forest trying to wake the trees up, and nothing happened. Then, at the end of the book, the four kids have to go back to England. All of them know it's going to happen, and they see it coming, rather than The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe when it's a surprise. The movie was the same way. The story isn't a fuzzy warm feeling movie like The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, it's a little more mature, darker, and doesn't feel like it ends on a happy note. Do I think it avoided the "second movie curse"? Yes. Will I watch it when I want something to put me in a good mood? Think I'll stick with the first one.

This post is for Tanner

2008-11-30T01:02:00.003-05:00

I've just started reading Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller (thanks Tanner) and the opening paragraph leapt out at me:

I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Baghdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxaphone. I stood there for 15 minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.

When I look at the world

2008-11-29T21:10:00.002-05:00

Oh God, lead us from the unreal to the Real.
Oh God, lead us from darkness to light.
Oh God, lead us from death to immortality.
Shanti, Shanti, Shanti unto all.
Oh Lord God almighty, may there be peace in celestial regions.
May there be peace on earth.
(Hindu prayer for peace)

At a time of year when people all over the world begin to gather with their families, whether for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Muharram, etc., it's a sobering thought to realize that this does not mean an automatic "cease-fire" for those who bring harm. I originally started this post with the intention of posting something deep and insightful, but nothing's there. I can't look at the nightmare in Mumbai (thank God, all the people I know there appear to be safe) without wondering how it is that we got here.

I'm a history teacher who has to explain to my students why Christians killed Muslims and Jews in the name of a "Holy Crusade," Protestant rulers executed Catholic subjects (and vice versa), and modern "progressive" countries remain divided between Catholic and Protestant, Christian and Muslim, Muslim and Hindu. See, that's the worst part. I can't teach about the Crusades and then say "but we've moved beyond that as a human race," because we HAVEN'T. Our security has gotten tighter, our intelligence networks have gotten more intelligent, but the loss of life continues to grow. The terrorist attacks in Mumbai, the Arab/Israeli conflict, violence in the Sudan, Indonesia, Northern Ireland, the Tokyo subway attacks, Aum Shinrikyo, abortion clinic bombings, Hamas suicide missions and the list goes on. All of these we hear about on the news, read about on CNN.com and still life goes on for us.
How do I teach my 14 year old students about ancient Hinduism and vocabulary words like "karma" and "dharma" when I've just heard about the Hindu mob in Orissa (eastern India) that tried to force a Christian pastor to convert, and when he didn't they cut his lips off, poured kerosene on him, burned him alive in his house, and threw his deaf mute mother into the fire? (Nov 24)
I give up. I don't understand. "Religion" or not, what it comes down to, we've got a lot to answer for. Christians kill Muslims, Muslims kill Christians, Christians kill Jews, Muslims kill Hindus, and in the end it doesn't matter what religion you've been following, when you've taken a life you've taken a life.

Evoking the presence of the great compassion, let us fill our hearts with our own compassion
Towards ourselves and all living beings.

Let us pray that all living beings realize that they are all brothers and sisters,
All nourished from the same source of life.

Stress, thy name is Guppy

2008-11-16T13:58:00.003-05:00

I think the economy needs to get its act together and become fixed (that's a middle imperative, right Mikey?), so I can stop obsessing over whether or not I will have a job in August and get back to things like being a good teacher. The general mood on campus is "walking on eggshells", and I'm no exception. It doesn't help that my new department chair seems to have a very doom and gloom view of the future of the Latin program, since the head of the middle school is determined to get rid of it, and the school as a whole is looking at starting the IB program (long story). When you're already as worry-prone as I am (I can hear all my college friends laughing themselves sick), the stress is ulcer-inducing.
I am fully aware that I have no control over the economy, and very little over the Latin program, but that doesn't make it any easier. I feel like it would almost be easier if someone could give me a worst-case scenario that I could prepare for (i.e. unemployed, global apocalypse, Blade Runner-type shit), but the fact that no one KNOWS what will happen is what really gets to me. I have no idea if there will be a contract waiting for me in February, and if there's no position for me here you can bet your ass that there will be very few schools elsewhere in the country who want to hire a history/Latin teacher with a BA but no certification.
So there you have it, the secret is out, this is why I have been stressed and cranky for the last month or so, I apologize to all I have snapped at, and for the love of all that's good and holy, do not post a comment along the lines of "don't worry about things you can't control", because we've just been over this and although I KNOW I can't control it, I can't help worrying.
Ugh.

My school is the Twilight Zone

2008-11-14T10:34:00.003-05:00

Things I have overheard in the past week or so:

"Ms P, wanna know something wierd? I just found out we have a house in Dubai"

"My mom is totally being a bitch and won't get me the new Jetta....but I think my dad is going to, so it's ok"

(a note from a parent explaining a student's late homework)
"To Whom It May Concern:

I am a witness to my daughter's forgetfulness. She forgets a lot of things"

I wish I could say I made this all up.....

Gah!

2008-11-09T13:15:00.002-05:00

Normally when I mention a store or business to people, it's because I like them and I want to build their business. However, in this case, it's to strongly advise that you NEVER use their services, no matter HOW good a deal it may be. My community has an exclusive contract with Accelerated Broadband for cable and internet, and I have NEVER had a worse experience with a service provider. I can usually access about half the sites I try to go to (if I'm lucky), which makes getting work done nearly impossible. On the rare occasions that I am "fortunate" enough to talk to a live person at their customer service number, they tell me to restart my computer, and if that doesn't work they don't know what to do. I can no longer do work for school at my apartment, which means that I either have to go to Panera's or drive 25 minutes to campus and use my school computer. Their website says that they are "able to provide their services for a fraction of the cost of major cable, internet and phone providers," which is not at all suprising since their services, to put it mildly, suck. And lucky me, since they have an exclusive contract with my community (which makes a big deal in their promotions about "free cable and internet"), I can't get Comcast or AT&T.

In other news, my Zune is missing, and I came to school to figure out the whole Comcast thing and get a new phone plan, and seem to have left all my credit cards and ID at my apartment, which means I get to drive all the way BACK to my apartment, since I'm supposed to pick up food and drinks for the football game this afternoon. And I was having such a good day yesterday.....

SON OF A BITCH

2008-11-04T12:05:00.003-05:00

Want to know the recipe for an absolutely shitty day?

1: The night before, be sure to take some cough medicine that puts you in a coma for 4 hours, then wakes you bolt upright at 3am, and doesn't let you fall asleep til about 4.30.

2: Wake up with a headache from said cough medicine after oversleeping your alarm

3: Realize that you didn't iron the shirt you were supposed to wear with your kilt to school today because there's a big event that you promised you'd wear a kilt for

4: Burn the roof off your mouth with the oatmeal you made for breakfast

5: Forget your phone, and when you turn around to go get it, realize that your car is making a funny noise (about 100 yards from the apartment)

6: Check the car out, and find A FUCKING SCREWDRIVER STUCK INTO THE SIDE OF THE TIRE.

7: Call AAA, and get no answer

8: Find a ride to school (thanks Juanito!), miss homeroom, and have no time to print up your lesson plans for 1st period.

9: Aggravate your chest cold by running around the campus trying to get everything together

10: have a 5-minute coughing fit

11: sit through a 90-minute series of prayers, songs, speeches, and standing/sitting in rapid succession, in a freezing cold gym, not able to get a drink of water and coughing the entire time.

12: have your MALE department chair walk in on you in the bathroom, and then stand outside the door loudly explaining that "you must not have shut the door properly"

13: Spill soda down the front of your shirt at lunch.

The worst part? It's only 12:15. I still have a looooong way to go before I can call it a day. The only part I'm looking forward to is the "conversation" I am going to have with the front office, in which I will throw such a bitch-fit about the lack of security and how unsafe this makes me feel that, while they may not pay for the tire, they will wish they had.

I voted!

2008-10-29T18:35:00.002-04:00

Yay voting! Boo for standing in line for 1 1/2 hours to vote early, but yay voting! I was so conflicted over which side of my conscience to vote with that I left the president section for last, and then almost scanned my ballot without filling in the circle. Eep! As tempting as a write-in "Huckabee/Norris" ballot was, I ended up voting my "left brain," as it were, and went McCain/Palin (mock away, after 4 years of being in the College Reps I've heard it all). However I also voted against the marriage amendment, so I think I satisfied most of my conscience. I left the one on property taxes for marinas blank, because I've never seen a marina and wouldn't know what to do if I did.

(Disclaimer: I totally know what a marina is, by the way.....it's a place where boats live)

Also, for those of you who aren't on facebook, I'm putting together my Christmas card list, and have some totally awesome non-denominational Holiday cards, so if you want to make the list shoot me an email with your address and consider yourself added :-) I had a TON of addresses written down but they don't seem to have survived the move, so if you think I have your address but aren't sure, send it anyway.

And now it's time to leave the lovely free wireless at Panera's (f*@king Accelerated Broadband) and toddle home - I have a mountain of quizzes to grade, and think I'll need a bowl of ice cream to speed the process. No wonder I can't keep weight off....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY......

2008-10-27T07:40:00.001-04:00

....Desiderius Erasmus!!!!

(Only those of you who suffered through my IS with me will know why today is a very special day. I plan on celebrating by re-reading "In Praise Of Folly" and making fun of someone from England)

and the insanity slowly dies down.....

2008-10-19T15:15:00.002-04:00

I survived Hell Week (see last post) and the light at the end of the tunnel was Homecoming 2008.

Left Friday around lunchtime, got into Cleveland about 3:45, and headed down to campus. I made the guys who picked me up stop at BW3's, because they carry Great Lakes beer and I miss Great Lakes TERRIBLY. Friday night was spent at the bar I used to manage, and I did the "running across the room screaming, jumping and hugging" thing about 20 times - which is why I woke up with no voice. My friends I was supposed to stay with didn't answer their phones, so I ended up crashing on a couch in the house of a friend of a fellow alum, and felt very strange waking up on a couch in the living room of a house where I knew NO ONE.

Saturday was brunch with a friend, the football game, early dinner with some of my bestest buddies, Sex and the City at a girlfriend's house, then hanging out with my Doppelganger til bedtime....very lowkey, since I had to leave at the crack of dawn this morning.....which feels MUCH earlier when there's frost everywhere. Um yeah, I've become a lot more susceptible to cold weather....

Overall (with a couple pockets of drama here and there, none of it mine), it was a great weekend. I saw all but one of my closest friends (Norway is a bit of a trek for one weekend ;-), had some great conversations, and basically had a blast. I ran into the ex-SO and chatted with him for a bit, which was probably one of the highlights of my weekend. I actually sat with his family during the football game, which was a surprise as I wasn't sure how they'd interact with me. But they're a wonderful family, and were genuinely happy to see me. There's more to that story, but all for another day.

It was a wierd sensation to be back on campus when I only knew about half a dozen people who were still students. Still, a lot of the other alumni came back, so in the midst of the "holy crap I feel so old" we still had a good time - though I can NOT keep staying up til 3am like I did in college. I'm still tired from that. One of the cool things about being back for Homecoming was that I ran into several people from my class year that I had some bad blood with when we were in school. A couple years can do a lot tho, and we were able to chat and hang out like nothing had ever happened. The petty squabbles, my insecurities, all of that didn't really seem to be an issue anymore. This might mean I'm growing up, but I won't hold my breath.

People I ran into kept asking me how I liked Florida, and to be honest that was a really hard question to answer. The ones I didn't know that well got the "it's right by the beach, can't complain" answer. The ones I knew a little better got the "well, I love my job and the beach, not too crazy about the people hahah" answer. Only a couple people got the "I've started over, cut out everyone who was in my life last year, and my job and students have become my life" true story. I think each of these answers is true, but being back in Ohio reminded me that I don't have to settle for shallow friends, shady guys, or people who don't care about those around them. There are a lot of wonderful people in the world, and if I'm willing to be patient, I'll find them - even in South Florida.

Being up north was wonderful, and I can't wait to move back up there and settle down. Until then, I have lots and lots of work to do down here, including planning for tomorrow - and of course, because I'm a space cadet, I left all my books at school, so I have to make the trek to campus. *sigh* It's good to be back in my own apartment, though, especially with my own bed (well, the one that gets delivered tomorrow :-).

-guppy

I'm baaack

2008-10-11T12:05:00.002-04:00

Ahhhh, internet...how I have missed thee. I have internet at home, but it's horribly slow and only loads about half the pages I want it to. On the other hand, I also have a new laptop (another Dell), which is about 5 times as fast as Izzy was, so it all evens out. Still, I'm spending a fair bit of time either at Panera's or my friend Juan's place, since both have wireless.

In other news, I finally have a bed! Since I ended up having to replace the old laptop (see above), I won't be able to buy more furniture for a little while, but a couch and a bed is really all a person needs.

As far as school goes, life has been a little insane. We're coming up on the edge of the quarter so there are tests and essays galore. Here's my to-do list between now and Friday:

Write quarter exams for Latin II, Latin III and World History I
Grade 30 essays from World History I
Grade the quarter exams from Latin II, Latin III and World History I
Input all my grades into Edline
Do about 6 loads of laundry
Proctor a 3-hour exam for a friend who's taking a distance course
Spend M/T/W afternoons giving exams for students who can't take them the day they're scheduled
Lesson plans for the rest of the week
Lesson plans for my substitute on Friday
buy a cute new outfit for homecoming (I know, I'm shallow)
get bed linens for my bed that gets delivered on Thursday
Maybe get a hair cut?
Clean the apartment
collapse in a heap every night at about midnight

Might as well get started.....

Oh, that Catiline.....

2008-10-08T07:44:00.003-04:00

Just saw this on Michael Gilleland's blog today:

A few months ago I saw a bumper sticker on a car in the parking lot of a
hardware store that read:
Quo usque tandem abutere, W, patientia
nostra?

For those of you who are less nerdy than me, that's an adaptation of Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? It's the first line of Cicero's Catilinarian, and translates as "How long, oh Catiline, will you abuse our patience?" Catiline was a Roman politician in the 1st century BCE who tried to overthrow the republican government of Rome, and this was Cicero's response.

I want that bumper sticker.

input needed

2008-10-05T18:36:00.002-04:00

What should I be for Halloween? I've had a few suggestions so far:

Boudicca (my sister's idea)
Kenley from Project Runway
Ellie May Clampett
Sarah Palin
The Black Death (been there, done that)

Ok, suggestions would be appreciated.....

Dammit

2008-10-04T14:43:00.002-04:00

so, I moved into my new apartment on Tuesday, and while I still don't have everything put away (or any furniture), so far so good. Except of course for my internet, which took me half the day to set up, and now it won't load half the websites i go to and runs so slowly that I can't download any of the updates my computer needs. Looks like I'm still going to be spending some time at Panera's.... Thanks a lot, Accelerated Broadband.....

In other news, stuff in Melrose Place basically sucks right now. My two closest "friends" in the neighborhood started to get really distant about a month ago, and now it's gotten to the point where they ignore my calls, don't respond to texts, and basically pretend I don't exist. My roommate refuses to return my deposit, now it's not the end of the world if she doesn't, but let's face it - $500 would come in VERY handy now that I'm trying to buy furniture.

And speaking of furniture, the couple who said "sure, you can use our van to go to IKEA and pick out a bed" has, true to form, stopped returning calls and every time I see them has a new excuse for why I can't use their van. And don't even get me started on the 5 people who said "we would love to help you move" and then dropped off the face of the earth.

Maybe I'm being overdramatic, but I would have thought that after living with a bunch of people for a year, and going out of my way to help them out (babysitting, picking them up at bars, being the person EVERYONE vents to, house-sitting, running interference when everyone is fighting with everyone), they wouldn't act like this. I'm grateful that I had people to hang out with for my first year in Florida, but I'm not gonna lie - this really stings.

So if anyone in Melrose Place is reading this (which I think some of them do), I'd like to think they'd be a little ashamed of themselves, but I know them better than that. I certainly won't be falling for shit like that anymore.

aaaahhhhhhh

2008-09-30T08:25:00.000-04:00

Moving day today, so OF COURSE there was drama. Will post more later, wish me luck!

Hell to the yes

2008-09-24T19:58:00.002-04:00

I just got off the phone with my boss, and apparently one of my coworkers has a large pickup that he occasionally loans out....and said coworker is a huuuge softie when it comes to the 3 young female teachers in the department, all of whom he considers to be substitutes for his daughter who lives up north. Yay for not having to rent a U-Haul!!!

really freaking stressed

2008-09-24T19:39:00.002-04:00

Today: School til 4, salon (I needed it), errands, packing almost all of my stuff, Project Runway, lesson planning for tomorrow

Thursday: School til 4, bank, returning my shoes, filling a prescription, meeting new landlords and getting keys, etc., packing up air mattress and some essentials in Clive

Friday: School til 3, rushing to the new apartment and unloading Clive, HOPEFULLY going back to Melrose Place for a second load, spending the night in the new apartment (HOPEFULLY)

Saturday: Unpacking, spending a lot of time at Super Target (finishing my housewarming gift registry), furniture shopping (Rooms to Go, most likely), pouring myself a VERY VERY stuff drink

Sunday: Lesson planning, grading, exploring the neighborhood a bit, packing a load of stuff into Clive, putting my bike together

Monday: School til 4, unpacking load #2, lesson planning

Tuesday: Picking up the U-Haul van, loading the bulky stuff (futon, shelves) and any leftovers and unpacking at the new place. YAY for Rosh Hashanah and no school! Maybe there will even be time for an IKEA trip or the beach....or a nap

So yeah, don't expect me to be reachable for a few days.

Damn romanticism

2008-09-20T01:04:00.000-04:00

I should not have watched When Harry Met Sally while in an emotional "I want to be a relationship" kind of state....booooooo

Hmmm

2008-09-19T23:07:00.002-04:00

In other "I think I'm growing up and need to share it with my readers" news:

After talking to one of my friends who (as I have realized lately) has no patience for my (or anyone else's) weaknesses or vulnerabilities, I came to a few conclusions about the kind of friend that I want to be:

I want to be the friend who you can call for a sober ride at 2am....on a school night

I want to be the friend who will commiserate with you when you're fighting with your boyfriend....and not hold it against him when you get back together

I want to be the friend who will hold your hair back when you're sick, drink Diet Coke when you're teetotalling....and babysit when you decide to fall off the wagon

I want to be the friend you can trust with your secrets, because I've trusted you with mine

I want to be the friend that you can call "just because" at 11pm (on a school night)

I want to be the friend who can say without a qualm "those pants make your ass look bad", "he's not right for you", and "this is not going to end well".....and I want you to be able to say those things to me

I want to be the friend that listens to you agonize over the same thing 10 times, and never stop giving sympathy

I want to be the friend that you ask for advice, and not the "friend" who just gives it

I want to be the friend that you can tell to shut up, and I'll never take it personally

But most of all, I want to be the kind of friend that I would want to have

aaaaahhhhhhhh

2008-09-17T21:33:00.002-04:00

crazy busy week, been at school til about 6 every evening.

parents night tomorrow night, half day on Friday, progress reports (i.e. comments) due on Monday morning

interviewing with the association that owns the condo i'll (hopefully) be renting. planning on moving the 26th, whether I get this place or not.

roommate is out of the country from the 8th - 20th. glorious peace and quiet......

my hormones hate me. so does my roommate's cat

been laying low (mostly) for the last couple weekends after a couple uncool vibes. turns out i really like being a hermit

hoping to God it's sunny enough for the beach this week.....this girl needs some SUN

calms the savage beast, etc

2008-09-13T00:52:00.001-04:00

Thank God for music that can turn my mood around after an evening like the one that inspired the last post. I'm listening to the "Once" soundtrack, it's working wonders.

And I love her so
I wouldn't trade her for gold
I'm walking on moon beams
I was born with a silver spoon
And I'm gonna be free
I'm gonna be free
I'm walking on moon beams
and staring out to sea

and if a door close
then a road for home start building
and tear your curtains down
for sunlight is like gold

And you better be you
And do what you can do
When you're walking on moon beams
Staring out to sea
Cause if your skin was soil
How long do you think before they start digging
and if your life was gold
how long would you think you'd stay livin'?
Hey

And I love her so
I wouldn't trade her for gold

sigh

2008-09-13T00:27:00.002-04:00

You'd think I'd have learned to stop being nice by now.

I like to think that I was raised to be a pretty good person, and yet that seems to be my downfall - I go out of my way to help people that I care about, and yet it seems the only thing they're interested in is their own comfort. I'm hesitant to accuse my friends of "using" me, because I don't want to believe that it's deliberate. And yet, it is SO fucking frustrating that I am willing to drop everything at a moment's notice (lots of DD'ing, picking people up from airports at 1am, putting up with endless drunken drama, beer runs, last-minute babysitting) when someone needs me, and yet when I am simply looking for someone to chat with on a Friday evening after a very long week, suddenly everyones life has become too busy.

Please understand, I'm not asking my friends to put their lives on hold for me. Still, I can't help thinking that if they're not willing to chill out for 10 minutes and chat with me when I'm clearly at the end of my rope, then they're also probably not going to be the ones who will be there for me if I REALLY need it.

I have one friend in particular whom I care about a lot, and I have bent over backwards for him....picked him up at all hours, drove him around when he was an idiot and got his license suspended, ran interference when he and the GF were fighting, and someone always seem to be picking up the tab when we go out. He has said over and over again how awesome I am, and how glad he is to be my friend, etc. And yet, anytime I need to vent or just want to hang out with people, he's "unavailable."

He can give me line after line of bullshit, but what it comes down to is that I feel like the friend version of a booty call....he knows he can call me if he needs something, and feels no obligation to return the favor.

The logical (i.e. seldom used) part of me says to cut him out of my life, but it's so hard for me to let go of people down here in SoFL because it took me so long to get comfortable and feel like I fit in - I'm hesitant to burn any bridges or cut anyone out.

Bah, whatever. If nothing else comes out of this, at least I'll start learning to be more self-reliant. Hopefully.

A Fish Out Of Water

2009 in review, part the second

My New Little Brother

So long, 2009

*sigh*

Better Late Than Never

Fill in the blanks

Ugh

Home again home again

May angels lead you in

My beautiful kittens

What I'm listening to at the moment:

I really do have such wonderful friends....

Me

Me

Tristan

Me

Tristan

Me

Tristan

Me

Tristan

Talk about putting things in perspective....

feet of clay

Definition from Wiktionary, a free dictionary

Contents

[edit] English

[edit] Etymology

[edit] Idiom

Pondering.....

Summer Song 2009

My New Baby

Let me go hooooome.....

Craziness

My Summer Songs

Wish I'd written that....

Deep Thought for the Day

DAMMIT

Reasons I love my Latin students...

Tempus fugit

wtf?

I love my friends

Oh Florida....

Memorial Day

....ouch

Oh dear...

Dear Yeebus

Blargh

Oh, Florida....

Nothing like a little nostalgia on a Wednesday evening

aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

Oh dear

I'm afraid of weekends....

mmmm, nostalgia

oh....my

Song of the moment

4 years?

O tempura! O morays!

What does it say about me....

(You can pay my) bills bills bills

Dammit

aw

And the score is....

I'll have what she's having

There can be only one

Getting my act together

Looking for your first teaching job?

Like a smoking break for my mind

back

It's so far past my bedtime....

Reunion pt. 1

Oh B.....

This may end very badly....

bah, I am in a rut

Carlos Varela

requiescat

4 years

Need to vent for juuuust a second

I am so very entertained.....

Some things will never change...

sigh

sigh